It's a damn cold night...

Forgiving is love's toughest work, and love's biggest risk. To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
いつか失ってしまうのかな。薄れてゆく笑顔と君を守りたい。
-- D-technolife

If fate is a wheel, then we are the sand that is crushed between the cogs.

Don't judge a life by one difficult season.

独自并不代表孤单,在一群人中狂笑着有时更寂寞。
-- 吴庆康

At times it may not even seem rational, but the heart has a computing ability that is far more accurate and far more precise than anything within the limits of rational thought.
-- Deepak Chopra
于是我让孤独更孤独,有一种不是悲伤的悲伤,才是刻骨铭心的悲伤。
Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love.
-- St Francis.
People's actions are influenced by their expectations. People respond not just to what is happening now, but to what they anticipate will happen in the future.
-- Sloman
不管你会不会忘了我,我只想告诉你一个秘密。
--《不能说的·秘密》

Every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in like kind.
-- Deepak Chopra

The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death but when I stand in front of you yet you don't know that I love you.
-- Tagore
Do do not worry about tomorrow; it will have enough worries of its own. There is no need to add to the troubles each day brings.
-- Matt 6:34

まだ不器用に笑うね まだ悲しみが似合うから
キミに降る痛みを 拭ってあげたい すべて I for you
-- I For You

the optimistic pessimist

supposedly an adult, she thinks like an adult (too much, if you ask me). deep inside, she is nothing but a little girl, with her little lofty dreams and ideals. and oops, she is breaking them, one by one.
more often than not, she is just an angsty emo kid.

she is only but
a passer-by,

an onlooker,
a walking shadow.

and this girl can't stop writing.

she stalks

|| cyn bea bao zou mel ||
|| joan weepz ||
|| blockc yeanching lehia kexi zhenlin horace alvin dina sandra becca tzehee ||
|| cruzteng peifen dasmondkoh ||
|| xiaozhu xiaogui sunxiezhi ashin kangyong ||
|| derrick jinglun stefsun natho lawrencewong ||
|| feliciachin joannepeh jeanetteaw sharonaw ||
|| xiaohan hyr chimkang mingde dannyyeo ||
|| xuyunling alvinology mrbrown esther ||
|| drbondar psychdigest ||
|| kfdrawing iwrotethisforyou thingsweforget ||

After all, what is in the past but what we choose to remember? They can choose not to hide it, to take what's broken, to feel the pain and know that it will heal. They know where happiness lies, not in a cave or a country, but in love and the freedom to give and take what has been there all along.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

she watches on

Others desire to experience the blessedness of giving, but we often frustrate them by refusing their help.


“你有心事吗?”
“或许有一天,我会告诉你吧。”
--《不能说的·秘密》

she holds on

 Memories were also a way of looking in a mirror, but it was a jagged mirror of broken glass, one that cast imperfect reflections. Like shards, these memories drew blood.

February 2003 March 2003 April 2003 May 2003 June 2003 July 2003 September 2003 October 2003 November 2003 December 2003 January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 January 2012 February 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 March 2013 April 2013 May 2013 June 2013 July 2013 August 2013 September 2013 October 2013 November 2013 December 2013 January 2014 February 2014 March 2014 April 2014 May 2014 June 2014 July 2014 August 2014 September 2014 October 2014 November 2014 December 2014 January 2015 February 2015 March 2015 April 2015 May 2015 July 2015 September 2015 October 2015 November 2015 December 2015 January 2016 February 2016 March 2016 April 2016 May 2016 June 2016 August 2016 September 2016 October 2016 November 2016 December 2016 January 2017 February 2017 April 2017 May 2017 August 2017 September 2017 October 2017 November 2017 December 2017 January 2018 February 2018 April 2018 June 2018 July 2018 September 2018 October 2018 November 2018 December 2018 February 2019 April 2019 June 2019 August 2019 October 2019 December 2019 January 2020 February 2020 March 2020 April 2020 May 2020 July 2020 November 2020 February 2021 April 2021 July 2021 September 2021 November 2021 March 2022

she never gets

永远不会交的功课 || 永远不会实现的愿望

|| you ||

Responsibility means not blaming anyone or anything for your situation, including yourself... Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution.
-- Deepak Chopra

she thanks

Designer : Wei Jun
Brushes : Deviantart - Spy Glass

I don't know, I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm a pair of eyes and ears, and I'm just trying to stay safe and make sense of what's happening. I know what to avoid, what to worry about.I'm like those kids who live with gunfire going off around them. I don't want pain. I don't want to die. I don't want to see other people around me die. But I don't have anything left inside me to figure out where I fit in or what I want. If I want anything, it's to know what's possible to want.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1

Friday, June 29, 2007
withers away @ 1:00 am

知道今天是全球首播,所以一直在听广播。
可能我偏心吧,只要是方文山+周董,就觉得一定会有某种水准。
可能我偏心吧,好期待电影哦。

It's something Mystical

Tuesday, June 26, 2007
withers away @ 12:03 am

看了头文字D第三遍,还是那么喜欢,那么着迷。其中原因,我也不得其解。
周董的魅力,可见一斑。

我还想看耶。

It's something Mystical

Sunday, June 24, 2007
withers away @ 12:32 am

hoho feel a little disoriented after coming back.. i keep forgetting its the end of the wk liao haha.. got loads of stuff to watch haha.. wanna read too.. cant believe that 2 mths of hols flew away lidat.. shoots.. no good no good.. haha.. need to do more constructive stuff man..
peng you qing ni bu yao xiao wo
you shang de shi tai duo
wo xiang chu qu zou zou
na xu duo you qing ren
shi bu shi yi zhong chuan shuo
wei he wo hai zai zhe li shou zhe ji mo
peng you qing ni bu yao xiao wo
gan dong de shi tai duo
wo xiang chu qu zou zou
zhao yi ge xing qi tian
wo jiu yao qi zhe dan che
dai wo de ji ta he ni yi qi ao you
peng you chu qu zou zou by 2moro

It's something Mystical

Friday, June 22, 2007
withers away @ 11:29 pm

back frm hainan liaoz.. now for the vvvv long holiday post... a summarized ver tho.. so it wun be tooo long..
[note: 5RMB = 1SGD approx.]

14062007 thurs 11+pm
finally back at the hotel.. its humid, even at night.. 1st time on a free and easy tour, 1st time with a budget airline.. not too bad, just that the taxi driver missed the entrance ><
we had a hard time finding a night mkt within walking distance frm our hotel in haikou too.. just.. kept walking and walking..
dad contacted a local tour agency.. probably going on a local tour soon.. else we'll have nowhere to go..

15062007 fri 7+pm
we're back for the day alr.. pretty early actually.. local tour starts tml, so we had our free and easy day today.. we just really anyhow walk ard..
we went for breakfast at this kopitiam-like place with the recommendation of the taxi driver saying that s'poreans love the place.. and we knew why he said that.. its basically selling bread, coffee, milo, fried noodles kinda thing.. just wad we eat for breakfast here i guess.. but its a nice meal haha..
den we went ard qionghai ourselves aimlessly.. den we went on a random (note: RANDOM) bus.. without knowing where exactly we were going.. we only knew that the journey takes abt 1/2h and it costs 3RMB.. it was like a trip to my grandmother's place.. countryside kinda thing.. nthg much to see there tho.. just walked ard (aimlessly again) for abt 1/2h before taking the same bus back.. dad started a conv with the bus driver and it went on to the life of s'poreans in general.. den this qn popped out frm the driver: 你们赚这么多钱做什么?well well..
we came back and ate weird hainanese chicken rice for dinner.. when u think its called hainanese chicken rice for some reason heh.. its weird coz.. we had to request for the chicken rice kinda rice before they gave it to us.. they gave us plain rice at first.. and there's no chicken rice chilli! oh man..
we're leaving qionghai tml.. and leaving this lovely hotel too.. my parents have a water bed sia.. haha.. oh but there's smth pretty funny.. they labelled the shampoo dispenser as "dish cleanser" hahaha..

16062007 sat 3.10pm
finally joined the local tour grp today.. its a 3 day 2 night thing.. just finished climbing some mountain.. saw v interesting goats there! the kids are super cute.. they all run free loh haha.. hunting for food.. either frm the ground (they only eat the fallen green leaves.. clever goats) or frm ppl.. saw one that kept following a lady eating a pineapple slice and it kept sticking out its tongue! haha..
we were really tired so sat down by a stall and bought a bunch of bananas to eat.. damn sweet haha.. ate half a bunch.. den a goat came and ate the banana skins! it even wanted to eat the bananas that we havent ate.. mum was trying so hard to protect the bunch.. haha.. v funny..

17062007 sun 10+am
at the beach at sanya now.. the beach's really nice and clean.. beautiful blue sea, lovely big waves.. nice mountains too.. but its really hot.. lucky for the wind.. can go diving here actually to look at the corals and fishes, but its bloody inconvenient (pun intended) for me to go down to sea.. sian diao..
我无法把大海的浩瀚和那种激情澎湃描写得很恰当,但它真的很美。从中学那时开始,我很爱海,一直很想到海边,因为喜欢海洋那种不会咄咄逼人的宁静。

18062007 mon 11.35am
we went to many beaches here man.. ytd we went to another beach.. a place called 天涯海角, a supposedly not v auspicious place.. v hot still.. this morning we were going to another beach, which is known as hawaii the second, when this lady frm beijing, whom we got pretty closely acquainted to these days, got v uncomfortable.. she had developed rashes on her arms and as we travelled, she complained more, until she finally said she couldnt take it anymore.. we stopped by the roadside to let her go down to get some fresh air, and her legs gave way and she collapsed.. the tour guide and 2 guys immediately went down to help.. the driver too.. the whole bus of us actually agreed to send her to the hosp, tho it'll slow down our itinery.. in the end she left in a taxi with the tour guide and her friend.. so the bus driver doubled up as a tour guide..
reached the beach finally.. still the lovely waves haha.. we were given an hr, but soon got bored.. in the end we sat down and had a nice chat with a young couple frm wuhan.. all the prcs we met, including all the taxi drivers, were damn amazed at us s'poreans being able to speak chinese.. oh man i wonder wad they think s'poreans speak..
anyway now the lady is back with us, after a shot and being put on a drip.. luckily she's fine.. turned out to be an allergic rxn plus the hot weather.. the thing is that she was actually contemplating if she shld go to 天涯海角, since its not a v auspicious place.. so she went in super quickly and came out super quickly.. yet this still happened.. wah..

19062007 tues 1.55pm
we had nice meals these days when we are on free and easy.. last night we nearly starved to death tho.. coz according to mum our bus was stopped by the police coz our driver drove somewhere he shldnt or smth lidat.. i slpt thru the entire incident.. then there was a traffic jam..
we had nice steamboat plus fresh prawns for dinner.. its cheap lah! 98RMB only.. oh yes i love their sauce.. 其实看起来也没什么,只是油(好像是芝麻油)+蒜蓉+酱青+芫荽。但是一尝之下,就无法自拔。
this morning we settled our breakfast too.. walked down the streets and little alleys ourselves.. mum and i bought this bread called 蜜蜂小面包, coz we saw ppl queuing up.. 4 for 1RMB and each customer is limited to getting 5RMB.. its damn good can! tho its plain.. but its sweet! its damn nice lah.. i wun mind having 5 or 6 for breakfast everyday haha..
lunch was good too.. its quite unbelieveable really.. recommended by taxi driver.. its a restaurant with aircon.. nice service.. had 猪骨汤+辣椒鱼头.. heavenly ok.. and its only 88RMB.. lovely.. haha
oh yes i got to see a little part of xiao zhu's concert in the hotel rm.. oh man his ballads really rock.. im pretty impressed by his live.. even mum thinks he's shuai k.. haha..
now we're on our way to the zoo on taxi.. dad's babbling to the driver again.. time for some slp..

20062007 wed 9.20pm
now im back alone at the hotel rm coz parents went for foot massage and i insisted on coming back haha..
had a fruitful day ytd.. the zoo's pretty nice.. first half is safari style.. lions walking by our taxi.. haha.. interesting.. next half is like our zoo.. just that we have closer encounters with the animals.. like monkeys.. we actually walked into their territories.. the mother monkeys that were protecting their young were really cute..
went to this volcano too.. nthg much.. but nice scenery frm above too.. can see the whole of haikou.. but v hot.. super hot..
we had dinner at the same place as the previous night.. the lady boss was super happy to see us again.. this time dad ordered brinjal and some other dishes.. later on the lady boss came to say that there's no more brinjal.. dad then said that its a dish recommended by his friends who came before and mum casually added that they can always go buy some back (their mkt opens still night.. ppl still sell veggies in the middle of the night by the roadside).. guess wad.. the lady boss really sent someone to buy back sia.. haha.. and it turned out to be a really delicious dish, tho it was really oily too.. haha..
today we went on a one day tour of wenchang.. nice beaches again.. there was a v nice old couple frm tianjin in our tour grp.. the guy is a retired surgeon and the lady a retired gynae.. both 70+ yrs old le.. they were still holding hands while walking down the streets.. picking seashells at the seashore.. evday go sing k and dance.. v nice life isnt it.. haha..
we had nice and cheap dinner again.. 看着它烤好的烧猪,加上烧肉和烧鸭,再来两碗鸡油饭(他们的一碗超大,所以他们的两碗等于我们的三碗),还有降火去油的茶和冬瓜汤。虽然只是路边摊,但真的太棒了。更好的是,只花了37RMB!

21062007 thurs 5.04pm
on the flight back to sg now.. so as to have more leg space (and its really large leg space), dad requested for us to sit by the emergency exit in the middle of the airplane.. i was briefed by this air steward abt wad to do in an emergency.. he.. has some kinda charisma haha.. anyway so im told that when the pilot says "evacuate now, evacuate" im supposed to pull off this certain cover so that the door will fall inwards.. den im supposed to throw the entire door out.. wow.. i nv knew that.. haha.. interesting..
anyway i had a v weird dream last nite.. or rather this morning ba.. hmmm.. haha..

It's something Mystical

Thursday, June 14, 2007
withers away @ 12:09 am

going overseas tml! will be back in a wk.. till then, take care! meanwhile, pray real hard that we wun get lost.. haha

It's something Mystical

Wednesday, June 06, 2007
withers away @ 11:16 pm

went out with mum today.. and i saw an ex-colleague in a jewellery shop.. vv weird.. wad was he doing there.. he was still single when we were working.. haha and we had fun teasing..
kong ju zhan ling wo de si xu
nao dai mei you yang qi
shi shei jiang wo de cheng bao fen sui sheng xia hui jin
zen me er duo ting jian tian shi de sheng yin
ke wo ting bu jian zi ji de hu xi
finding neverland by peggy

It's something Mystical